Hello my friends, family and followers. On the 1st of July 2015 I was diagnosed with leukemia. For those of you who are not familiar with this term, it’s blood cancer.
I apologize in advance for the lengthiness of this.
I had been feeling under the weather for 1-2 months; my body felt exhausted and my mood low. I simply put this down to inflated levels of stress and hard work; I haven’t taken a single day of holiday since I left investment banking and ventured into the world of acting 1.5 years ago. My career has skyrocketed, but I always knew working at this pace would have its price.
I had planned to return to Sweden for a few weeks to visit family and friends during the summer so I ignored my body’s complaints. In the days leading up to my departure to Sweden (26-29th June), my physical condition drastically deteriorated; I was sweating uncontrollably and my thigh lymph nodes were aching. Suspecting a serious flu as well as coming down from a few pre-summer holiday parties, I attributed my pain to my body giving me hell back.
I set out on my journey to Gatwick airport on Tuesday morning 30th June 2015, by now – I could barely see straight and I was constantly sweating. I bought 4 liters of water from the airport and shrugged it off. On the plane, I passed out straight away and woke up, groggy and disoriented in Stockholm, feeling slightly better.
I went and met my parents in central Stockholm, for a pre-arranged dinner. The aching in the lymph nodes had once again returned. During the dinner, my pain crept up into my chest, making it difficult for me to breathe. I knew something was wrong. I knew I had to get myself to the hospital.
Once there, the doctors took some 10 blood tests and put me through X-ray. Not long after, they were able to identify an anomaly in my chest. They sent me to the hematology department who started drilling in my bone marrow (fuck me that hurt!) in order to get a sample for analysis.
The day after I was informed that I have leukemia. My world fell apart.
Today I have completed my first chemotherapy session and I have several more to come. I have been told that the treatment will affect my energy levels and destroy my immune system. There is a risk that I will not survive.
I feel so utterly sad and confused right now. I feel like it’s unfair that I should have to go through this hell of a treatment, after fighting so hard to reach this stage in life and be on the cusp of fulfilling my acting dreams. But, I will not give up; I’m going to push myself through this in order to be able to continue to live the life that I love so much!
While I do not yet know how I will spend my days over the next couple of months, I have decided that I want to share my story and my fight with all of you. I’m going to write about the treatment, take photos and videos (yes, I will go bald), and tell you how I feel. Hopefully, I can inspire some of you to really value and appreciate your life, and perhaps I can help others in a similar situation.
Also, may I ask you to like and share this post amongst your friends, as I am very keen on getting in touch with other people who have been or are being treated by leukemia. I’ve always believed that a united group is stronger than standing alone.
Lots of love to you all!
(Original and unedited blog posts written by Fabian Bolin in 2015 when diagnosed by cancer.)